Yak Chiu August 7, 2011

I once worked with someone who always asked someone to “yak chiu” whenever he wanted the person to shut up. In case you don’t know Cantonese, “yak chiu”, literally translated, means “eat a banana”.

One day, I finally braved myself and asked him why he was being so obscene / sexually harassing the other person.

Me : “Why do you always say ‘yak chiu!?”

Him : “Er… cos the other person is talking too much, I wanna shut him up, so I ask him to shove a banana in there.”

Me : “Don’t you think that is obscene? Isn’t that sexual harassment.” (FYI, I was kinda laughing at this point cos I know the person wasn’t being obscene on purpose… I think)

Him : “Me? Sexually harassing someone? Who?”

Me : “Whoever you ask to ‘yak chiu’. I mean… ‘yak chiu’ is like you asking the person to suck your ****, isn’t it?”

Him : “Nooooo!! Yak chiu just means like, go eat a banana… asking him to shut up! It’s a polite version of asking the person to go and ‘sek see’ (eat shit), so I’m in fact being polite!”

Me : “Really? But why must it be a banana? Why must it be something so phallic. Why can’t it be something else.”

Him : “… I donno! That’s just the phrase in Cantonese! Maybe because it’s easier to say ‘yak chiu’ than to say ‘yak ping gor’ (eat an apple)”

Me : “I don’t buy that. You can say “orange”. Orange is also one syllable in Cantonese. So you can say “Yak chang” instead of “yak chiu”. I’m sure there are other fruits that are one syllable in Cantonese too.”

Him : “Geez. I really don’t know. Eh, please don’t go around and tell people that I was sexually harassing everyone by asking them to ‘yak chiu’ ok. It’s not sexual harassment. It’s just a phrase!”

Me : “Oh… I wasn’t bothered too much because you mostly said it to the guys… Hahahhaha.”

But I still think it’s phallic… why must it be a banana? You see, this is how people look like when they eat a banana. You tell me it isn’t phallic symbolism!

Oh yeah, I asked my boyfriend and he said, “I say ‘yak chiu’ because I reckon the other feller is like a monkey. What do you give a monkey? Bananas la… “

What do you think? What do you think is the origin of this phrase? Heehhee.

Breaking In March 7, 2005

::Originally posted on LJ::

I met Albert for dinner after gym today. Was talking for quite a while, and he mentioned something quite interesting about the “breaking in process”. Here’s the gist of it (correct me if I’m wrong albnok)… Basically he thinks that in any relationship, it’s better to date somone who has already been “broken in to”, so that the person can guide you and, in turn, “break you in”. The term “breaking in” can be taken in many different lights, not just about having sex. It could be teaching you how to kiss or making you not feel so weirded out with physical intimacy or basically teaching you how to be a better girlfriend / boyfriend. Also, people who are not “broken in” tend to be more naive and gullible when people flirt with them, not knowing how to react and thinking that the person is genuinely interested in them, etc.

Personally, I don’t think that I’m such a naive and gullible person when it comes to relationships despite being one of the “unbroken in to”. In fact, I tend to be more negative when people pass me compliments than perasan. However, I do agree that I tend to get pretty intensely happy when someone even touches my hand. This person does not necessarily have to be a guy I’m interested in, or even a guy for the matter. I am pleasantly surprised when MichelleReisKidman was touchy-feely with me, and surprised when a cute girl hugged me. (This sounds bad, but I’m damn straight ok!) Even though I didn’t like Mr “Lets Buy Harddisk Together” last time, his touchy-feeliness also got to me.

In fact, recently I was so happy when someone even touch my forehead to see whether I was feverish or not. It was only AC who is not handsome in most people’s books. Yet it was as if Brad Pitt himself had gone down on me.

Isn’t that strange?

Also, recently I met this guy who is (in my books) cute (will try to find picture of him for you lot to judge). We both love to chew gum and we have this habit of looking at each other sheepishly, but not talking to each other. Sometimes I feel like he wants to talk to me because he takes the effort to come to me whenever possible, but usually he ends up just standing near me and not talking. When he looks like he’s about to, something always comes up. I find it weird. How can you tell if someone is looking at you if they are interested in wanting to talk to you, or if there’s something weird about you? He wasn’t looking at me in a disgusted / weirded out / amused beyond believe way. But neither was there any reason to look at me in a flattering way either (there are much better people to be looking at). My only reasoning is that he recognised me from somewhere, which isn’t very possible because I don’t go out that often and I didn’t recognise him from anywhere.

In the end nothing happened, which is what drives me nuts now. Because I want to know man. Goddamnit.

Pervert Callers Make Me Sad January 10, 2005

::Originally posted on LJ::

I read this on malaysians and it made me really, really sad. If you don’t want to click on the link, I’ll just summarise it for you. Basically, this girl gets a call from a telemarketer pretending to be from Calvin Klein, and halfway through this “survey”, he starts asking her personal questions regarding her sex life / lingerie choice and all that. There are some people who commented that she was “not very wise” to give away her personal information, and asked why she didn’t hang up straight away and all that. I dunno what to say, since I have been in the same situation before, only it was a pretty different scenario.

I was 13, and I remember getting ready for school when the phone rings. Was in afternoon session, so I knew that the call would most likely be for me since my mom NEVER gets phonecalls. Yup, there was a woman on the line, who introduced herself politely to me, and told me that a friend of mine (thanks for fucking nothing you dumbfuck) gave her my phone number to partake in some government-related survey for high school kids. Er, ok all you people are sighing and going, “OH MY GOD AND SHE FELL FOR THAT?!”, but really, I was 13, and admittedly kinda dumb so I sat down and proceeded with the survey.

You see? It was a woman, you wouldn’t think that a woman would want to have phonesex with you. And at this point, I didn’t even know what phonesex is. Or masturbation, as I would soon find out. So you give your details out freely. Lord knows, am I to be crucified for not being suspicious of everything?

Haha, anyway it wasn’t anything dramatic, halfway through some normal question asking thingy, she asks whether I ever had sex before, whether I was still a virgin, whether I masturbate, and how I do it. Like I told you, I didn’t even know what the word “masturbate” meant, so I was like, “Er, no” and she said, “Oh I’ll teach you. Are you alone now? If not, go to a room upstairs. Your mom is in the kitchen? Yes, close the door and lock it.” I wasn’t that dumb, halfway through the sex questions I had a funny feeling that the government wouldn’t exactly be jobless enough to want such details. So I said, “OK” but basically didn’t budge from my seat in the living room. The woman then proceeded to coach me on how to masturbate. And she probably knew I wasn’t following her step-by-step, and she kept urging and persistently asking me whether I was getting aroused by touching myself AND talking to her on the phone. Hells no. I ended the call abruptly with a, “I’m late for school. Bye!” Before I hung up, she persisted, “Oh, then can you give me at least 2 other names and phone numbers of your friends so that I can continue my survey?” Bloody fucking hell, at least I was smart enough to say I had no friends. No way would I want someone to go through the crap I did.

Anyway, I was late for school. My mom fetched me, the bitch who gave my number to the pervert caller and my neighbour to school and we were stony silent. Once out of the car, my neighbour and I simultaneously erupted at the clueless sod for giving our phone number to the pervert lady. The clueless sod (those of you who know her will know what I mean) just said sweetly that she didn’t know that the woman was going to ask pervy questions, and that she didn’t have anyone else’s number to give. What the fucking hell? But anyways we forgave her, and the rest of the school day was spent joking about whether we got “aroused” by that phone call. Haha.

When I got home from school though, there was a different story. My neighbour told her mom about the pervy caller before she left for school, and I didn’t tell my mom. And for some reason, my neighbour’s mom got the idea that it was I who gave away her house phone number to the pervert, and not The Clueless Sod. Straight away when I got home, the neighbour’s mom stormed out of the house, threw me a nasty look and told my mom, “Did you know how stupid your daughter is? Just because some woman taught her on the phone how to masturbate, she thinks it’s a good idea for my daughter to learn the same thing as well!” <— said in cantonese. I was so appalled and indignant and my neighbour was going, "It's not her!!!~~~" and I burst out crying and my mom scolded me because at one point both those aunties thought that I was to be blamed. After they sorted things out, my neighbour's mom didn't apologise to me nor did she feel bad for making me cry, so that's why I hate her til today (her mom, not my neighbour). It was quite dramatic, being accused of being a pervert, and trying to influence people into my pervertism in front of the neighbourhood. Later, my mom also scolded me for not telling her that I got a call from a pervert lady. I was so fucking embarassed, and getting accused of being a pervert AND a stupid pervert at that just made me even more pissed. What was I to do?

AND YOU KNOW WHAT? THE PERVERT LADY CALLED ME AGAIN THE NEXT DAY. THIS TIME I SHOUTED SOMETHING LIKE , “DAMN YOU!” (didn’t learn how to say all the bad words yet) and slammed the phone down. Then I got scolded by my mom AGAIN because I didn’t hand the call over to my mom so that my mom could confront the pervert lady.

So that’s the story of my sad first encounter with a pervert caller. I’m wondering why a woman was on the line. Was she a paedophilic lesbian who got off on teaching 13 year olds how to masturbate? Or was she recording the conversations and has so far compiled a huge collection of 13 year olds moaning over the phone (if she’s lucky to catch the REALLY honest / trusting types who do what they are told) to be sold to dirty paedophilic men? I seriously have no idea. But yeah, at least I know my conversation is most likely not part of that collection. *phew*

BUT DAMN DO I HATE MY NEIGHBOUR’S MOM. I HATE ANYONE WHO BLAMES KIDS FOR NO REASON. OR BLAMES PEOPLE FOR NO REASON.

Supre Is Love November 24, 2004

:: Originally posted on Completely Random ::

Btw, a joke:
Why do people always say that Indian women are the horniest?
Answer: Because they always say ‘Vanakam’!