No entiendo Inglés, Yo no hablo de Malaca May 27, 2012

Now I remember why I always got confused and slightly annoyed whenever people asked me if I’m anything other than a Malaysian Chinese. It’s because I reckon they only think so because of the way I speak! O_O Yes, I have a problem with people understanding me… It’s gotten to a point that I speak very slowly at work, or when I meet someone new so that the point gets acros. All the times when foreigners think that I am speaking chinese when I am actually speaking English comes back to me in waves and leaves me even more tongue-tied than before. My only solace is in the knowledge that I write wayyyyy better than I speak, and even then, I feel that the standard has been dropping drastically through the years. My 15 year old self might even mock me for being an FOB if she reads my blog.

No need to ask about how well I can speak in various chinese dialects, I think I’ve talked more about it in the past.

And now… my husband says that I cannot speak Malay… AT ALL.

He keeps self-praising himself as being to speak Malay because he was brought up in a “kampong” (the kampong of Klang, lol!). I find this extra insulting because my closest friends growing up were all Malay. I am the one who can speak Malay really well! Not him!  I sound casual and at ease conversing in Malay! I am sure! My friends would’ve told me if if otherwise…

Saya boleh cakap dalam Bahasa Melayu! Sejak kecil lagi saya sudah boleh bercakap dalam bahasa ini! Saya ingat satu kali di darjah satu, kawan saya asyik mengacau saya untuk memberi balik gunting dia. Walaupun tidak tahu macam mana untuk bercakap Bahasa Melayu, saya mengulang, “Nanti” beberapa kali. Masa itu, saya masih belum belajar apa maksud itu “Nanti”. Kenapa saya bijak sangat dan tahu menggunakan perkataan yang paling sesuai untuk suasana itu? Ini semestinya apa yang dipanggil, “natural talent” ataupun “talent semulajadi”…

Saya paling suka bercakap Bahasa Melayu semasa berada di luar negara kerana boleh bercakap benda-benda tak baik tentang orang asing tanpa pengetahuan mereka! Tetapi tidak boleh keterlaluan, kerana ada juga orang putih yang boleh memahami bahasa ini! Kalau nak menggunakan fakta yang saya hanya dapat P6 dalam SPM untuk Bahasa Melayu untuk membuktikan bahawa saya sebenarnya sangat bodoh dalam bahasa ini — saya percaya bahawa saya dikenakan oleh orang yang markah pemeriksaan itu. Sebabnya, karangan yang saya tulis sangat kontrovasial dan berunsur-unsur politik. Hahaha!! (Adakah ini cara orang Melayu ketawa?…)

Anyway, if I can’t speak english, chinese or even Malay, how am I going to converse at all? Worrying.

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Self-Imposed Feelings August 3, 2011

Haven’t been updating much because the weekend seems to just flyyyyy by. I barely take any pictures nowadays though there is actually so much more to photograph. I want to show you how my new place looks, but I didn’t even personalise my own cubicle, so what’s there to show, really? I think my boss is worried that I plan to leave anytime soon because  the only thing that even marks that the cubicle has a permanent person sitting there is my True Fitness mug (which I don’t use). The cup that I *do* use is hidden in the pantry.

I try to live each day to the fullest, but always feel disheartned and stressed at the end of the day. I try very, very hard to catch up in this system, but it is humongous. Realistically, I should tell myself not to give myself so much pressure as “Rome was not built in a day”. But I still give myself pressure and stress. After working in the office, I go home and trace more programs, trying to learn more and more about the internal workings of the system. Trying to see what the programming standards are like. I can say that if there is any reason XYZ Bank should have given me my own laptop with VPN much earlier, this is it. When I know I have access to the secrets in the office, I cannot resist to connect..

I am also stressed about Tron’s upcoming birthday — this one I don’t know why I’m stressed also, lol. He never made me feel like I had to plan the best birthday bash in the world for him. I cannot imagine how those girlfriends who throw surprise birthday bashes and invites all the boyfriend’s best friends and relatives do it… haha. I’m not such a social being. I just have to buy him a present and plan dinner. Even this has me worried. Cos for previous occasions, I always knew JUST WHAT TO GET HIM. I thought of getting him clothes, but he said that he has all already. I thought of getting him something “gadget-y”, but he is already so updated in whatever he needs. I thought of getting him perfume, but he just bought himself two large perfumes. -___-” I thought of getting him video games, but I’m not a gamer, so I don’t know what is cool. (Later, found out that his sister is buying him video games too, so luckily I didn’t get it for him.)

Guys say that it’s so hard shopping for girls, but I find the opposite is true. For girls, there are soooo many shops selling soooooo many different things. How can it be hard to shop for a girl? Plus for me, I even write all my wishlists out… what’s so difficult? And unlike Tron, I don’t spend money so freely, so whatever is on my wishlist a year ago probably still applies, hahaha. Like, I’ve been wanting to upgrade my phone for how long? For since forever, I tell you.

After buying Tron’s gift, I still feel pressured… like what if he doesn’t like it? What if he says I didn’t try hard enough? What if he eats so much for lunch that he won’t have space for the dinner reservations I made? What if what if what if…!! I know people say that worrying doesn’t do you any good, but sometimes my mind just keeps going on on this mental thread and it takes sooooo long for me to reel it back in, that when I do… it has started down yet another path.

Anyway, back to stuff about work. I just keep praying and praying and praying that all will turn out well in the end. I really have no idea how I even managed to assimilate myself into XYZ Bank last time. I think changing jobs is darn difficult… sigh. For me, it’s not about learning something new. To me, THAT PART is the easy part. The tough part is getting to know all the new people in the place, knowing what the working culture is like. And this place is bigger than XYZ Bank by…about 19 times. This is just based on the IT division headcount. The retail banking support side is already as big as the whole XYZ Bank’s IT division. I couldn’t even get to know ALL the people in XYZ Bank, what more the whole of UVW Bank…

I went for induction training on Monday & Tuesday — at least they give induction training! — which was more on the culture and “need to know” stuff about the bank. Stuff like health & safety regulations, risk management, compliance, what are the club activities we can be involved in (zomg, I got unnecessarily excited over this! I wanna be in the committee!! If I have the time…), how to file our claims. I made some new friends (mostly from recruitment) as well there, and it was a very relaxed atmosphere. Got to chill for a while. Now back to piling myself up with stress and worry. Please note, I’m piling MYSELF up with worry and I can’t even stop myself. It’s not like there’s a devil behind me who constantly hounds me or yells at me or makes me feel inferior. It’s all in my head. -___-

Okay, enough chit chatting… seriously, if you don’t have worry issues like me, this is a really great place to work in. I mean, it’s only been a month, but I feel like I can spend (at least) the next 7 years here. If you’re interested to know more about this company or you’re looking for a job in the IT line, feel free to email me at .

TQVM for listening…

Blast From The Past July 17, 2011

Some yummy food from around that I haven’t gotten to posting. =) I know I’m lagging on this blog, and I don’t really blog much heart-felt stuff anymore. Maybe I’m finally losing the need to blog? Anyway, I also recently stumbled across some Juliet The Orange videos on Youtube and I was just hit with a wave of nostalgia. It was so long ago when I first heard their hits like Eyelash and Quizzical. Why didn’t they continue in the Malaysian music scene? I carried my nostalgia with me, and when I saw Tron today, I said, “I wanna go back to my high school days.”

Tron : “Huh? Why?”

Me : ” I wanna be young again. I don’t wanna have worries in my life.”

Tron : “When you young, you donno me wor.”

Me : “Hmm.. why don’t I go back to when I’m young and then I go and find you! That’ll be even more fun.”

Tron disagreed and said you don’t know, go back in time and don’t know what happens to you in the future. Hahaha. Well, I guess sometimes we aren’t happy with the present and we keep thinking about the good “old” times that you end up not appreciating what is in the NOW. I want to appreciate every single day from now onwards, not just the weekends. I want to look forward to Monday. I want to look forward to Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday and Friday as well as Saturday & Sunday! Every single day is a joy and my best days are not behind me.

However, just for “old” times sake, here’s Quizzical by Juliet The Orange. I used to think that it’s sooooo me, especially the first paragraph of the song :

And this is Eyelash. I didn’t like it when I first heard it, but it really grows on me. Thanks to my sister who introduced this duo to me last time…