Protected: The Truth Behind The Wildboar and the Giraffe August 15, 2011
This Is What Happens When You Talk Too Much About Pregnancies March 18, 2011
About a week ago, we were all very excited because Raymond was going to become a father. We didn’t know when it was going to pop, but it was going to pop soon enough. He started taking more and more EL (emergency leave) as there were lots of false alarms. At his 2nd last EL, the reason he gave for “emergency” was : his wife was very worried that if she could not give birth naturally by the end of the week, she would be “overdue”, and the doctor would have to induce labor. This really alarmed her (“why baby don’t want to come out!”) and so Raymond had to stay back home to run some errands for her and “all change plans” (dunno what plans).
All this resulted in him stating he will NOT turn up for the grand birthday celebration this year. Reason being, he didn’t want to be in a situation where he’s in the hall, about to eat dinner, and then getting a frantic call from his wife to say that her water broke. It would be another 45 minute journey back to his house, and he didn’t want the wife to be left alone at that time. Everyone say “Awwww!”. When I related this story at the office, the macho young lady sitting next to me – Kelly (who gave birth at the age of 23) said, “What is there to be scared of? Water break already still got a lot of time before go hospital.” You see, even as a female, I didn’t know.
According to Kelly, when her water broke, it was at 11pm at night, and her husband and herself were already sleeping. Suddenly, the husband woke up and asked her, “Why did you pee on my bed?” Sleepily, she got up to go to the toilet (her reaction makes me want to ask her whether she pees on the bed very often wtf), and then realised “hey this is not pee!” She informed her husband that she would go into labor soon, and then proceeded to… wash her hair and take a long shower.
I had no idea giving birth was like this!
Her reasoning for doing so is because after giving birth, the doctor said she won’t be able to bathe for a period, so she might as well get as cleaned up as possible first. They took a drive to the hospital, where the doctor said that contractions hadn’t started yet, so he might as well grab a coffee first. The husband accompanied Kelly… and when the doctor came back, she still wasn’t ready to go into labor so they “injected something to make me feel pain, then only can push”. Then she said the baby came out “just like that”. NO PAIN. WTF. When Mr AIP heard this, he was really excited and said, “Giving birth like taking a shit only right? No pain one right!” And that Kelly agreed with him! WTF.
Later, I tentatively asked LiTeng if she felt pain when she gave birth. She gave me an incredulous look and said, “OF COURSE LA!” Hahahahhaa… sheesh, seriously, Kelly must be an iron woman…
FYI, I don’t know if it’s a matter of getting clucky, or WHAT… it’s not that I’m dreaming of getting married, but I have been having dreams of being pregnant, but without having sexual relations! It’s like I’m dreaming of being the virgin Mary! And in my dreams, as always, there’s a screwed up twist. Like in dream #1 :
“Dad, please believe me! I didn’t sleep with anyone, but I’m pregnant!”
“Hmm.. well what do you know.. I have this magic powder that you can take. If you are telling the truth, and indeed never had sex before, the baby will live. But if you take this magic powder and you lied, your baby will be aborted. So are you 100% sure of yourself, Ms Goh? Or do you want to risk becoming a baby killer?”
In the dream, I was in a quandary… I didn’t REMEMBER doing “it”, but what if I was mistaken? (WTF). I didn’t want to abort the baby! It’s a sin! Then my sister piped up in the dream and said, “Take the powder lah! If the fetus gets aborted, you will see it waving goodbye to you from inside the toilet bowl. It’s cute!”
WTF WTF WTF!! I woke up damn disturbed!
The second dream, once again, I was pregnant and adamant that I had not had sex. In the dream, I was engaged to XXXX already, but the wedding was next year, and I was already 3 months pregnant. XXXX said, let’s push forward the wedding! And I said NO!! Everyone will know when you push it forward, it’s because the bride is pregnant. This is horrifying!” Then I turned to XXXX and said, “I don’t know why this is happening. I never had sex before!” and XXXX turned to me and said, “I also never had sex before.” And then I suddenly thought, how come XXXX is so nice? He should be the first to suspect that I had cheated on him (I didn’t in the dream. Once again, I was a pregnant VIRGIN).
You know what, I think I’ve been thinking too much about what happened to Mary and Joseph.
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